Adult SmS & Jokes

Shakal to uski lu*d thi FARAZ……………..

Wah Shakal to uski lu*d thi FARAZ…………………….

Lekn us ka figur lu*d khara kr gaya Wah wah.

=========================

Teacher:kaunsi cheez mu main nahi leni chahiye?

Student:jalta hwa bulb.

Teacher:kiun?

Student:Mummy papa say kh rahi thi

pehle bulb bujhao phir mu me loon gi:-)

============================

Un se kaho khwabon mai aya na karo..
Faraz
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Subha sardi buhat hoti hai nahaya nahi jata

============================

Jani tery liye rishta hai boht sharif larki he

    ___    
   (-_-)    
   /  /  
 (.  (. / \\   
  ) .  (  //  
  / v    )  
  | /\ /


shokriya ki koi bat nai tuoo to apna yaar hai,

========================

Exam and sex k bad sari girls ki
feelngs same hoti hain!

1-kitna lamba tha na.

2-kaash kuch time aur mil jata

3-pehle kitna dar lag raha tha na,phir to pata hi nahi chala k kab hogaya.

4-ufff 3 ghante tak to meri saans hi band hogai thi.

5-Aagay ka to theek tha, peechay ka kitna mushkil tha na.

=========================

1968

Dulha jahez me TV mangta tha,

1978

Motor Cycle,

1988

Plot,

1998

AC & car,

2008

Dulha jahez me sirf ZERO meter dulhan mangta hy!

==============================

A girl to his boy friend…

Kia tum mere liye Farhaad ki tarha dhood ki nahrein nahi nikaal sakte?

Boy: Kyu nahi tum zara apne nippal mere hath me do

==============================

Humein to bus tumhare d0sti ka khayal tha

*¥¤ “FARAZ”¤¥*

Warna chiknay bacchay to hum chorra nahi kartey..

==============================

Talwaar baazi k mukaablay may ek Chinese nay baarik taar k do tukrray kr deay.

Japani nay us say b baarik taar k tukrray kr deay.

Pakistani nay machar urraya, talwaar ghumai or machar urrh gaya.

Judge nay pucha,machar tou urrh gaya
tou us nay kaha k urrh tu gaya par
kbhi baap nai bn sakay ga!

===============================

In a lift,a man accidently touched a
ladys breast
Man:If ur heart is as soft as ur breast,
u’l forgive me
Lady:If ur dick is as hard as ur elbow,
i’m in room 25

============================

Funny SmS

============================

Aurat ki Izzat ke rakhwale.
3 aadmi aik Aurat ki Izzat lootney ke liye us ko aik Ghar mein lay gaye,

Sari taqat aazmayi magar us ka naara na khul saka.

Moral:

Jamal din ke naaray,

Aurat ki Izzat ke rakhwale.

==============================

Whats the difference b/w information & data

Information is
362436

&

Data is
.
.
.
.
.
36-24-36

=============================

Anti Misba: My daughter got gang raped,
I need insurance claim

Agent: Sorry madam Personal Enjoyment &

Entertainment is not covered.

===============================

What would u rather want to b a Bulb or a Bowling Ball?
.

.

.
It depends if u would like to,

.

Get screwed

Or

Fingered.

=============================

Major Rohail: Want to have sex.

Anti Misba: I m having Menstrual Cycle.

Major Rohail: Oh acha I have Honda CD 70.

=============================

Difference b/w Chicken & Baby
.
.
.
.
Chicken is result of Patiently Sitting Hen.

&
Baby is result of Impatiently Standing Cock.

=============================

Accidents take a minute but

the suffering could b lifetime.

Plz wear helmet & condom on ur

appropiate heads during “Respective Rides”.

“Be Safe!”

=========================

Nargis: Mujhe apne breasts ki insurance krwani hai

Man:Sorry madam hm sirf privat proprty ke insurnc

krte hai PUBLIC PROPRTY ki nhe.

==========================

Sardar found cigarete in daughter’s room:
Oh God She smokes Then found whisky:
oh God she drinks then he found condom:
Oh tuadi pean nu…kuri da lun v ay.

==========================

Shadi k 6 month bad larki ghar a kar
apni mother sai kehti he Ap ne jo bed
dya tha wo chota he

Mother: Tu ab bata rahi hai ?

Larki: Tangen jo ab sedhi hui hain.

==========================

Bahu ne jhuk kar Susar k Paon chhuay aur kaha:

“ASHIRVAD DAIN BABU JEE”

Susar ne haath phair kar kaha:Jeeti raho Bahu

aaj Phir tm ne BRAZIER nahi pehni.

==========================

BALLE BALLE
A Sardar Had A Child After 3 Month Of Marriage .

He Asked His Wife Ye 3 Month k Bad Bacha Kaise Hua ?

Wife Replied : tumhari Shadi Ko Kitna Arsa Hua ??
Sardar: 3 Month
Wife: Or Meri Shadi Ko
Sardar: 3 Month
Wife: Or Bacha Kitne Month K Baad hua ?
Sardar: 3 Month
Wife : Total Kitne Hue ?
Sardar : Oye 9 Months And Start Dancing BALLE BALLE

==========================

6 Months of marriage…
Shaadi ke 6 months baad larki ghar aa kar apni Mother se kehti hai…

Aap ne jo Bed diya tha woh chota hai.

Mother: Tu ab bata rahi hai??

Larki: Taangein jo ab seedhi hui hein.

==========================

Shaadi se pehle kitni baar ch*dwaya?
Husband: Shaadi se pehle kitni baar ch*dwaya?

Wife: Kabhie nahi.

Husband: Mere pass Meter hai, laga ke dekhoon?

Wife: Ek baar ghaltise ch*dwaya.

Husband: Jhoot mat bolo, sach mein mere pass Meter hai.

Wife: Mujhe muaf kardo ji, 10-15 baar karwaya.

Husband: Sach bata Meter lagane wala hoon.

Wife: Ja bhosri ke laga le. Jitni baar Ch*dwaya hai,

itne number hi nahi hein meter mein…

===========================

Sardar to girl: What’s ur name?

Girl: Carmen.

Sardar: Ye kaisa naam hai?

Girl: Bcoz I like Cars and Men, so I am Carmen.

What’s ur name?

Sardar: CHOOTINDER BOOBIYA!

=========================

Boy:Mai 20 year ka hoon,tum kitny ki ho?
Girl:Mein b 20 year ki hoon.
Boy:Tou phir chalen?
Girl:Kahan?
Boy:Bedroom mein
Girl:Q?
Boy:20 20 khelne.

==========================

Ameer Gareeb se:

Tera lu*d itna bara kiu hai..?

Gareeb: Is liye ke bachpan me mere

pass koi aur khilona nahi tha….

==========================

Mom:kyun rotey ho?
son:dad ne muje kiss nhi di
Mom:tumne tables nhi sunaye hoge.
son:Kaam wali ko kaunse tables aatey he?

=========================

Finally scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive by 90%.

.

.

.

.

It’s called the Wedding Cake.

=========================

New Abbreviations

PIA = Pain In Ur Ass

USA = Under Skirts Activities

PUMA = Press Untill Milk Arrive

ARAB = After Rape Apply Balm

CUBA = Caught Under Bra Area. . . ;->

==========================

An X-RAY specialist was briefing

about breast shadows.

He said: “Women’s breasts come

in three sizes PingPong, DingDong & KingKong”

=========================

On a NUDE beach a man shakes hand

with a lady and says: I am extreemly

pleased to meet U!

Lady: Yeah, I can SEE that!

===========================

Woman was having delivery pains….

Husband prayed: Oh Lord!

Pls make it loose for the BABY and then

tight again for the DADDY.

=============================

Faraz from grave yard:

Aaj kal boys k honton pe ubharta hai Faraz

In ki G*nd pe shola sa Q jalta hai Faraz

Karty hain Maa Ch*daiyan subha sham takhallus se mere

Meray her shair ki maa Ch*d ker aagy likhty hain Faraz

Shayad in ki kisi Faraz ne mari hai G*nd

Ya phir k in ki mashuq ko ch*d kr bhaga tha Faraz

Khabardar jo kisi ne ab ruswa kya mujhe

G*nd me ghus k phat jyega Faraz….

===========================

Grl:Doctor I caled my boyfrnd bastard

Dr:Y?

Grl:He kised me

Dr:Lik this?

Grl:Ya

Dr:Dats nt a reason 2sy him bastard

Grl:He took of my clothes

Dr:Lik dis?

Grl:Ya

Dr:Dats nt reason 2

Grl:He sex wid me

Dr:Lik dis?

Grl:Ya

Dr:Also nt a reason 2sy him bastard

Grl:After sex he told me he has AIDS

Dr:O BASTARD!

========================

Kele Wala: Baji kele le lo ache hein.
Baji: Ye kele to nurm aur pilpile hein

mujhe to sakht aur lambe kele chaiye.
Kele Wala: Baji kabhie to khanay ke liye liya karo.

=========================

Lets play Game.

Its very interesting,

Ready?

3

2

1

0

Start,

Kya start?

Bh*sri k kaam kr ly

Her waqt mobile ki ga*d mein mat
ghussa kar.

========================

Sardar: Kitne paise lo gi?
Girl: Bed 500, Sofa 200, Zameen pe 100.
Sardarne 500 diye.
Girl: Yani Bed pe?

Sardar: Nahi 5 baar Zameen pe.

=========================

Miyan Biwi sex kar ke subah uthe to

Biwi ne kaha chalein uth jayein mein

nashta bana leti hoon Miyan ne kaha

choro apna nashta ti Sex hai aur phir

lag gaya dopher hui to Biwi ne kaha

chalein khaane ka Time ho gaya hai

mein khana paka leti hoon miyan ne

kaha apna khana to sex hai aur phir

lag gaya shaam ko miyan naha ke

nikla to dekha Biwi dono taangein

khol ker Heater ke samne baithi hai

miyan ne poocha kya kar rahi ho,

Biwi ne kaha raat ka khana Garam kar rahi hoon.

=============================

Ek larka shadi k dafter phone karta hai

Larka: Mere dono bazo nhi hain kya mere

shadi ho sakt hai?

Ladki: G han…

Ladka: Mere dono tangen bhi nhi hai

Ladki:Phir bhi ho sakti hai

Ladka: Mere ek kaan bhi nhi hai

Ladki: Kya apka “Lu*d” Salamat hai

Ladka: G usi say tu number dial kya hy!

=========================

A child by chance entered into

Parents bedroom,Shocked at what

he saw & shouted at this mom:

Khud ko dekho?aur mugay sirf

anguthaa choosnay par marti ho??

=========================

Height of Request :

Ek Larki ka Gang Rape ho raha tha
Woh chillaa chillaa k keh rehi thi

Kutto Kamino

Khuda k wastay

Laro to Nahi
Sub ka Number aye Ga

=========================

Responses During Sex…

a) GIRLFRIEND – Wow darling, this is great.

b) PROSTITUTE – Come on.. finish it now…

c) WIFE – I think the ceiling needs Painting…

==========================

kalay kiu ho?
Girl: Tum itne kalay kiu ho?

Boy: Bus aise hi

Girl: Batao na

Boy: Kala hoon to is me tere baap ka kya jata hai?

Girl: Mere baap ka jata to itne kalay na hote!!!

============================

Khan ki biwi aadhi raat ko chillanay lagi

khan ji jaldi uttho billi sara doodh pee gaye

Khan:Ulloo ki patthi kitni bar kaha hai kameez

pehan kar soya kar

==========================

Pathan fucking a chinese girl she was shoutig

“Chin Chu Chin Chu”

Next morning pathan asked girl the meaning

of chin chu

She replied “Wrong hole Wrong hole”

==============================

Aey dost mujhe mar dalo

Warna meri pant me hath dalo

Lamba lagy tou kat dalo

Mota lagay tou chaat dalo

Acha lagay tou moo me dalo

Bura lagy tou ga*d marwalo:-)

======================

Buzurgon ki kahi howi baat

Aur

Tatton pe khai hui laat

Hamesha yaad rehti hai

“A public service message”

=========================

Hasrat thi k kholen gai wasi

Unke blauz ki Zip

Un k brazer ka hook..

Shalwar ka nara..

Magar

Sanam ki sadgi tou dekho,

Nangi hi chali aayi!

===========================

Larki:Ammi Ammi ye parosi ka larka

mujhe bar bar lund dikha kar bhag jata hai

Ammi muskrayee or boli:Bara harami hai

bilkul apny baap per gaya hai…

============================

Sardar 2 air hostess:Mujhe doodh chahiye

Air hostess opened her breast & gave nipple

in Sardar’s mouth.

Sardar:Acha hoa randi ki bachi se pani nhi manga..

=============================

Husband ne magazine party hue pass

leti biwi kipussy mein ungli kardi

Biwi:Oh jaano sex ka mood hai

Husband:Nhi page palatne k liye ungli gili ki hai

================================

Aadmi apni BV sai:Begum dekho mein

tumhary liye kelay,kheeray,gaajar

aur mooli lekar aya hoon.

BV:Q aap kahin ja rahe hain kya?

=============================

Patient:Dr sahib mera cock khara nhi hota

Dr:Married

P:No

Dr:Muth

P:No

Dr:XXX movies

P:No

Dr:Any grlfrnd

p:No

Dr:Tou phr khara kar k kya calender latkana hai

===========================

Ankhon ke liye Gajar ka Juice

Deemagh ke liye Badam ka Juice

Sehat ke liye Apple ka Juice

Aur

Hamesha khush rehne ke liye

Girl Friend

Ke

Dono
(*) (*)
Choos.

===========================

Valentine’s Day SmS

===========================

Some factz!

Machli or Bachi khud pakar k khao tou maza aata hai

Lu*d or Qanoon kabhi hath me mat lo

Nokri or tatton pr laat nhi marni chahye..

============================

Ek aurat apne bachey ke saath Pathan

ke khiloney ki dukan pe gayi.
Bache ne zid ki ke khilona lena hai.
Aurat ne kaha: Khan sahab issey darao.
Khan sahab bola: Chup behenchod zid

karta hai, ainda kiya to tumhara maa ko chod de ga.
Aurat boli: Bus khan sahab ab to is ki maa bhi darr gayi hai.

=============================

Papu: papa ap mom k sath kya kr rahy thy?

Papa: Beta petrol dal raha tha,

Papu: papa mom ki average check krwain,

subah nokar b petrol dal k gaya hai….

===========================

Different Voices during fucking time,

Russia:”O shema fu”

USA:”Yah fuck my ass”

China:”O chu ma shu”

India:”Oui maa”

In case of Pathan: “Kona Teenga Ka”

============================

Aik bacha aunty ki chaddi pe ishaara ke ke bola:

Is me kya hai??

Aunty: Is mein Aag hai.

Bacha: Meri mungphali sek do.

Aunty: Nahi beta shaam ko uncle

is me bhutta sekenge.

====================

Pathan’s wife during sex:
Ah AH dagha da lora da pish pish

oee pishhhhhhhhhh…

Pathan:Oye aisi awaz mat nikalo

khochi hamara peshab nikal jaega

===========================

Galli mai chawal bantt rahy thy
Koi plate lai aaya,koi shopper
Ek bachay ko kuch nhi mila
Wo apni mumi ki brazir lai aya aur bola

Ek mai namkin ek mai meetha

=========================

At a dance Party

Boy asks a girl:Will U dance with me?
Girl:Mai bachy k sath dance nhi karti!
Boy:So sorry mujhy nhi pata tha k aap

pregnant hain!

============================

Sikhnai sikhni ka rape kardia
Sikhni:Hun main rola pawangi
sikh:Rola te hun main pawanga
utton sikhni thalon clean shave….

==========================

Boy:Bus male hoti hai ya female

Girl:Female

Boy:Why?

Girl:Us pe sub charhty hain

Boy:Tou wo Pregnant kyn nhi hoti

Girl:Stupid saray mard pechay sai charhty hain. :-)

==========================

Man:
Can I Have SEX with my Pregnant Wife?

Doc:
Yes 3 Mnths Normal
Next 3 Like Dog
Last 3 Like Wolf?

Man:
How Does Wolf Do?

Doc:
Sleep near the Hole & Cry.
*************************************************

Nokri aur chhokri…….
.
Nokri aap kabhi bhi CHHOD sakte ho.
Chhokri aap kabhi bhi CH OD
sakte ho.
*************************************************

Husband- i m going out for 5 days..
wife- ok but don’t surprise me by coming back early,

otherwise u wiLl bE surprised.

*************************************************

Ak 16 saal ka ladka mar gaya.
mother said-Haye mere bache ne to abhi dunya b nahi dekhi thi.
a girl-aunti chinta mat karo maine dikha d thi

=======================

Santa Banta Jokes

=======================

Wife:pehle daily kartethe,fir weekly,ab monthly karte ho.
Hubad:Pehle teri aisi()thi,
fir aisi( )hui,
ab aisi( )ho gayi,ab kya sir dalu

******************************************************

Ek sardar bike rok kar helmet khuja raha tha.
Ek admi: helmet utarke khujao.
Sardar: chup…jab teri g@nd me khujli aye to

kya pent utarke khujata he..

**********************************************************

preeto: tere pati roz time pe kaise aatey hain?
jeeto: meine unse 1 baat clear kar di hai, sex

raat ko 9 bajy hoga, chahey aap ho ya nahi.

*********************************************************

Honeymoon couple in Paris.
Wife-Shall we go to Effil tower 1st or the hotel room.
Husband- Pehle hotel room.

Effil tower to kal bhi khada rahega.

********************************************************

Suhagraat ko Hakle ne kha:

Aa aa Aao na jaan Chu Chu chu chu chu..

Wife panty utarkar boli:

Ab Chusle Chumle Ya Cho_dle per chu chu mat kar.
*************************************************

Sabjiwale ki Shaadi hui.

Suhag raat ko biwi ki Bra &

Panty khol kar paani chidakane laga.

Biwi boli- Ye kya kar rahe ho? Sabjiwala:

Maal ko Taaza kar raha hoon.
*************************************************

Husband on suhaagrat-Teri aankho mein doob jaaun,

Teri zulfon mein kho jaaun, Tere jhumko pe jhool jaaun..
Wife- Thalle vi utrenga ke kise hor nu bulaawan ?
*************************************************

Suhagrat k baad Biwi: Ye jo tumne andar ghusaya wo kya tha?
PATI: Ye mera munna tha
Biwi: ise bahar hi khelaya karo, andar garmi may ulti karta hai…
*************************************************

Sardar Ji took da blanket n slept,

his wife said: sardar ji there is a hole between my legs
Sardar: ohhh & I was thinking from where cool air is

coming in da blanket
*************************************************

On First Night..
Wife: ji aaj mera UPVAS hai.
husband: kya mere LUUUND

pe AATA laga hai jo tera UPVAS tut jayega..
*************************************************

Suhagrat ko pati ne patni se pucha..

“kya mehsus kar rahi ho?”
Patni= aajtak TOP_UP me kam

chalta tha aaj se LIFETIME kar

lia hai jindagibhar INCOMING free..
*************************************************

1 Khara Lu nd Ki Qeemat Tum Kia Jano
Babu
Har Larki Ka Khwab Hota Hai
1 khara Lu nd
Har Suhagan Ki Cho ot Ka Taj Hota Hai
1 khara Lu nd
Har Ran di K Dhande Ka Raaz Hota Hai
1 khara Lu nd
Aur Tum Jaise Gan du on Ki gaa nd Phaar Deta Hai
1 khara Lu nd
*************************************************

Sita: 1st night kaisi rahi?
GiTA: Pehle salwar khile pe,
fir kamiz,
fir bra,
fir panty khile pe.
Sita: Fir?
Gta: fir mein b khile pe
*************************************************

height of REQUEST n BRAVERY together.

wife on suhag raat: plz abhi sex nahi karenge ji,

mein pregnant hu.
*************************************************

Santa: I divorced my wife on the first night..
Banta: Why?
Santa: I saw the label on her panties

“OK TESTED – GULRAJ & SONS”
*************************************************

Frst 4 days of girls:
1. Love me ,Don’t t!ouch me.
2. Touch me ,Don’t kiss me.
3. Kiss me ,Don’t fu ck me.
4. Fu ck me ,Don’t forget me.
*************************************************

Child:Mom
is bar hum sare patakhe is shop se lenge.
Mom:lekin beta ye to girls hostel hai.
Child:Papa to kehte hain k sari phul-jhadiya yahi rehti he
*************************************************

1 bar 1 Buddi aurat mela dekhne Gai.
Mele me uske beg me koi bomb rakh gya.
1 aadmi bola bomb buddi bomb.
Buddi-bhai ab kaha ki bomb,
bo
*************************************************

Arz hai

Teri Yad Mai
Hame Dast Lag Gae

thora ghor farmae

teri yaad mai
hame dast laggae

Ye bhi to anso hain

bus raste badal gae.
*************************************************

Ladke wale ladki ka hath kab mangtey hain?

Ans-
Jab ladke ka hath thak jata hai
*************************************************

girl:wo kia hai jo lrki pehli dafa krwate hue pain
ki waja se roti hai?

pappu:kaan mai ched

MORAL:aap b apni soch pappu ki tarah saf rakhe
*************************************************

Custmer:My wife needs a Bra but I dont know d size.
Salegrl:Touch my breast n try to calculate
Custmer:Oh I forgot she needs panties too
*************************************************

1 aadmi ne paper me Ad di
“ladka paida karne ka tarika batao”

RPLY aye

Bengali-Biwi ko Fish do

Himachali-Apple do

Gujrati-1 moka hame do
*************************************************

Wo ap ki kon c cheez he jiska

istemal ap nhi dusre bahot karte he!

Oye! tera nam yar…
tu g@nd samjha tha na
Chal koi bat nhi,hota he
*************************************************

Wife-meri bra utaro

Husband-ye le

Wife-ab panty bhi utaro

Husband-ye bhi le

Wife- “khabardar agar aage se mere undrgrmnts pehne
*************************************************

Muth maarne ne 10 fayede:
1-Self Reliance

2-Time convenience

3-Prevention of crime

4-Mental choice of lady

5-No risk of AIDS

6-No special place required

7-No wastage of cash

8-Easy to perform

9-No fear of early ejaculation

10-Guaranted
*************************************************

why are girls more successful in SHARE MARKET?

bcoz they know

NICHE MEIN LENA HAI

OR UPAR MEIN DENA HAI
*************************************************

1 boy doin sex with call girl
BOY- daily kitna kama leti ho?
CalGirl- 2000
BOY- Sach batao
CalGirl- Roji pe baithi hu, juth nahi bolungi
*************************************************

Santa: me har ek ladki ka badi IZZAT se SANMAAN karta
hu..!
Banta: wo kaise ?
Santa: uske ane se pahle hi
CON DOM pahan le ta hu…!
*************************************************

16girls Swiming pool me naha rahi thi,achanak!
Pool ka sara pani sukh gaya!
Pucho Q?
Yahi he asli WHISPER ka kamal
Gilepan ki chhutti

*********************************************

Guy in lov wid Girl askd her 4 S.E.X.

Girl:”Apne bahut badi cheez mangi hai…”

Boy: “Agar itni badi hai to rahene do.

**********************************************

girl-1 sasti c breazer dena
salesman-g 60 ki
Girl-or sast
g 30 ki
or sasti
g 20 ki
or sasti
chotu! in ko 2 botal k dakan or sutli de

************************************************

A raand wearing jeans in a train,

man saw her zip open says:
‘Madam, ur LIPS are opened…’
Woman: ‘Yeah, they want a cigarette…’!

***************************************************

malkin or nauker kidnap hue, or dono ka R A P E hua.
police: tumne unka chehra dekha tha?
nauker: malkin se pucho, mujhe to ULTA kiya tha.

****************************************************

Boy-dadaji kya padh rahe ho.

Dadaji-beta itihas boy-yeh to sex ki kitab lagti hai.
dadaji : beta mere liye to sex itihas hi bankar rah gaya

========================

Pathan Jokes

========================

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